Spectre Review

Grade: C-
One-Liner: Shaken, needs a stir.

Let me start by admitting an important fact: I do not like James Bond. There, I said it. He's a cheesy womanizer who doesn't know how to properly drink a martini. That being said, I've grown to appreciate Daniel Craig's Bond and actually enjoyed 2012's Skyfall. So I decided to give Craig's final attempt a shot. (Christoph Waltz! Skull masks! Gadgets! What could go wrong?)

It sadly fell into all of the unfortunate cliches that have troubled me with the Bond franchise over the years. Bond, naturally, had two love interests — three if you could the sure-to-be-cat-lady Moneypenny — one more in distress than the next.

The one he settled on was Madeleine Swann (Lea Seydeux), the daughter of a fellow assassin. Attention fellas: She knows her way around a gun, has daddy issues, and is not, I repeat, NOT a damsel in distress. Except she is in distress... a lot. And despite promising not to fall into Bond's arms, she does, several times.

I hoped to find solace (no, not the Quantum of Solace) in the villains, who tend to be my favorite part of these films (for reference, look to Javier Bardem's delightful Silva). Regrettably, despite having both Christoph Waltz and the obviously evil Andrew Scott tag teaming things, both characters fell flat. When the person with the most depth in a James Bond film is James Bond, there's a problem.

They gave these baddies flimsy backstories, hoping the viewer would embrace their diabolical nature simply based on the actors playing them. Sadly neither Waltz nor Scott delivered, robbing us of the only mildly interesting scenes the film could have offered.

With plotlines running wild and no solid characters to root for or against, Spectre turned into a basic farewell tour for Craig, who already seemed done with the franchise before the cameras started rolling. Hopefully a new Bond will be able to bring 007 into the current century and rejuvenate the famous agent, but honestly, I wouldn't be sad to see him go either.